Dream

I honestly chose to write this blog for myself. As I mentioned in my introduction, this is a way to capture my life, in a way other than just a million pictures. I have no real expectations here. I know that sounds bad. But when I started this I knew it was for ME! I figured just maybe my B O R I N G life stories may be picked up on by a random person here and there. But I did not expect them to! My intentions are not to get noticed or published. My intentions are just to write!

Don’t misunderstand me; having others read my stories & even enjoy what I am reading is a nice feeling! (One could say a warm and fuzzy feeling.) But that wasn’t my initial goal!

But Today’s assignment is to write to my Dream reader! Hmmm………. Well that’s tricky! You see I feel like I am my own Dream reader. Weird? Is that possible?
I mean I have already lived what I am writing! What I share here are already my own thoughts; so how is it that I am my own Dream reader? Why is there not 1 single person I would want to read my stories?

I receive some sort of satisfaction after I complete an entry and go back and read it. I feel a level of achievement and freedom, just from placing words, thoughts and feelings on my blog!

I may not have actually completed this task as expected, but I write to myself, from myself, as my Dream Reader!

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.” –Harriet Tubman

Flashback

The week leading up to September 30th 2014 was an unusual one. I felt like everything was moving so fast and so slow at the same time. I felt anxious, happy, angry, uncomfortable, irritable, huge, disorganized, & rushed! I felt all these things at the same time. It’s like these emotions couldn’t take their turn for the spotlight. They all wanted to be center stage at the same time! Yes Exhausting, I know!

My original Due date was Sept 26th, a Friday! But as we got closer to September they pushed it to the 29th. (My body was showing no signs of being ready.) So as we get closer to the 29th, I’m feeling all these emotions and not knowing what to do with myself. (I am about to have a baby people!! How are you supposed to handle this?) Well on the Friday, 26th I go to the Doctor expecting to find out what time I am supposed to be at the hospital on Monday morning. I don’t! They told me someone will call me over the weekend. Okay, cool!

Well they aren’t calling fast enough! So I am calling every hour on the hour to get information. (I know I may have annoyed some people. But I wanted everything to be perfect Monday.) By the end of the weekend I have absolutely no information about what is supposed to happen Monday. And I had given up. I was worn-out, frustrated & just didn’t want to be bothered at this point!
September 29th about 7am I get a call, “Michelle, Hi Michelle…are you at the hospital?”

WHAT?!?!?! At this point I flip out…the poor lady on the other end of the phone didn’t deserve the yelling I imposed on her, but I was so upset that I could have been prepping to have my daughter this day & I was not. The sweet lady did all she could to get information from the hospital. And yes, Kenevery and I called that hospital faithful all day to get information ourselves. Finally around 4pm that day I received a call telling me to be at the hospital at 5am Tuesday morning. I remember saying thank you a million times to the lady. And as I hung up the phone I just started crying. Haha, yes I cried! I cried my little eyes out. I couldn’t believe this was it!

That night I’m unpacking and repacking my bag. I’m sure I did that about 10 times. I’m pacing around the house; I’m trying to see what I forgot or what can I clean. When I finally got in bed I was tossing and turning all night. Kenevery, on the other hand, sure did sleep like a baby! I didn’t fall asleep until about 1am and I was back up at 3am, dressed and ready to go!

The drive to the hospital was quiet. The roads where silent, there were barely any cars out. The night/morning air was very peaceful. I tried to sleep on the way there, but those emotions were coming for their spotlight again!

So we get to the hospital & go through the boring checking in part. They hook me up to everything ask me a million and two questions and all I can think is, “This is it. OMG this is it.” They asked me if I wanted medicine or if I was going to do this naturally. I really wanted to try it naturally, so I asked to wait on the medication. (You know how you hear all those horror stories about Natural birth? Well i thought I was tough enough to do it.) Welp by about 4cm and 3 and a half hours in, I WANT THE DRUGS! (So much respect to mothers that deliver their babies naturally.) So they are giving me the epidural, I want to say around 11-12. And this process was not easy. I apparently have onset/ early signs of slight scoliosis (YAY me) and it was hard for the anesthesiologist to place the needle in the correct place! Consequently he stuck me about a million times; it was also difficult to get the medicine distributed to both sides of my body! But after about 30 minutes & a lifetime of needle sticks he got it! We were done with the needle! About another 30 minutes after the epidural I was numb. I couldn’t feel my legs at all! This freaked me out a bit. I would tell my legs to move and they would not, leaving me with this helpless feeling. This in turn left me restless! But the medicine was during its job so I wasn’t upset. I just felt extremely weird!

Time is passing at what seems like turtle speed! They are coming in every so often to check on me and the baby! And then “IT Was Time!”

“Grab her legs!” “Okay, when I say push, you push!” “Oh my God is happening!” are just some of the things I heard people saying, because at this moment time feels warped. Everyone that’s in the rooms doesn’t seem real, they are all just figures. All I can focus on was pushing!
Well I’m pushing; at least I think I’m pushing, because I feel absolutely nothing! I even had to ask if I was pushing! I felt as if I was pushing forever before I heard “here she comes”! And then BAM at 310pm, the most beautiful, precious, pure sound I have ever heard, my baby’s cry!
As they put her in my arms and I look into her eyes, to me there was no one else in that room. I felt like the world had completely stopped and it was just me and my baby girl, Kenzy!

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This day was marked as the best day of my life! I already knew I loved my baby before she entered the world, but actually looking at her face & touching her skin just made that love so much stronger!

September 30th 2014, what a day!

A Little About Me

1st off I am not a professional Blogger.  I like to write and I wanted to document my life, as it has tremendously changed in the past 3 months.

My name is Michelle, I am originally from Jacksonville AR, but I have been a resident of Tyler Texas for the past 10 years. I’m 21 years old; I’ll be 22 on February 22nd! I am a Lover of all things good! I honestly want to be more active in my community, but that has always been difficult for me. (That is a completely different topic.) After high school I attended a community college here in Tyler working to obtain my associates as a Dental hygienist. That hasn’t worked out so well, but I haven’t given up. I’m still currently enrolled, and I’m also working to receive my associates in Psychology. I work for a huge company, Suddenlink Communication’s. My job can be stressful, but I’m blessed to have it! The people I work with have worked will me through all my schooling and my recent pregnancy with my daughter, Kenzy!

Smile

Yes, I am a mother to a beautiful little girl Kenzy Michelle! She is literally my whole life wrapped up into a beautiful little princess! She turned 3 months on the 30th of December. She is a handful and so advanced for her age. (I’m sure all parents say that about their babies.)There is more about myself that I will reveal as I work on this blog. As I said before I am not a professional at this. I plan to blog about my experiences at a new mother, a student; I want to blog about my failures and my success. So please hang in there with me!