The Cabin

Creative writing is still very difficult for me, but I appreciate these challenges. Writing Challenge #2, click HERE to participate!

Every morning around this time of the year, for about 4 weeks, I would wake up to the most beautiful smell: Pumpkin Marshmallow. The sweet-smelling aroma swiftly engulfed the cramped cabin where my family and I stayed during the Holidays. The scent was not overbearing, it provided just the right amount of warmth needed for those chilly November mornings! The sound of pots and pans raddling and clanking in the kitchen was just a little reminder that Thanksgiving was around the corner.

 

Mother loved Thanksgiving; it was the only time of the year that all the family came to town and enjoyed each other’s company. The holiday visit usually lasted about 2 weeks; once the it ended everyone quickly returned to their busy eventful lives in the big city! Everyone tried to stay in touch the first few weeks after Thanksgiving, but generally that didn’t last! It would go back to just being Mother, Dad, and the twins after the Holidays. The twins are Lily and Kyle; my family adopted them when they were about 6 months old. They are actually blood cousins, but according to documentation and family bond they are my younger siblings! In total Mother and Father shared 6 children : the twins, Mark, Cassie, Paula and myself!

 

I usually came to town a few days early to help out with preparations. The week leading up to Thanksgiving we were required to get everything in the house impeccable, as Mother and Father prepped the food. Mother wanted floors and walls scrubbed spotless, she wanted Fall decorations flowing throughout the house and the fireplace equip to burn chips of wood all week long. The house remained very busy and smelled delightful, between scented candles and home cooked greatness. As each day passed everyone’s excitement grew greater and greater. The anticipation became almost unbearable the day before Thanksgiving Eve. This was also the day for the final touches on the menu and last minute cleaning sprees!

 

On the day before Thanksgiving, Family would start to arrive at all times of the day. Some would bring dishes of dessert and others would bring the liquid inspiration, not that anyone needed it. The men would gather in the den to watch sports while trying to smoke Cuban Cigars on the hush; Father would open windows hoping to air out the smell but it never worked! Aunt Francis would bring Christmas sweaters that she was able to weave together on her own. She was very good at what she did, bu those sweaters were not always appealing. Every year she would request a picture of everyone in their sweater and it eventually became a Christmas card. Then there was Cousin Billy and Cousin Frank, they are brothers and I believe my 2nd or 3rd cousins; they always seemed to have a “new date” or “new friend” every Thanksgiving. It’s like those two were allergic to settling down.

 

Each year it seemed like our family grew; everyone was branching out and starting families within our large Family. The cabin was always so full of laughter and love during these days. We all would sit and talk for hours about old memories and share outrageously embarrassing stories. Mother would always find a way to sneak in her photo albums; she mainly went for the same one every year. This photo album as outlined in the shiniest silver you would have even seen & if it was tiled in the correct position the reflection of light would allow the pages to shimmer. It was a very beautiful album. The album contained baby photos of my siblings and myself. Every year we created new traditions and revisited old ones. Every year we argued, laughed till we cried and cried until we laughed.

 

*……..*

 

It has been a long while since I experienced a Thanksgiving so full of joy. Once Father became sick the holidays became smaller and the laughter was no longer present.

 

He fought his battle as long as he could; but after 2 years of fighting it was understandable that he was tired. Mother took his passing very hard; she began to give up on life herself it seemed. The Twins moved out and off to college right before Fathers passing, so it was just Mother- alone. I asked Mother to stay with me because she didn’t need to be alone, but she felt closer to him at the cabin.

 

Days would go by before she returned any of my calls. Each time I talked to her she sounded more lost than before. I wanted to help her but I didn’t know if I could. She lost her life partner, the man she loved since the 8th grade. How could I possible provide her with the right words and support to get her through this?

 

Each day grew harder; instead of healing I felt my Mother was withering away. She eventually refused to leave the cabin at all. She refused to eat and take care of herself. So I finally decided to move back with her. This decision shocked a lot of my friends; they didn’t understand why my older siblings did not volunteer to take care of our Mother. I tried to explain that everyone had children and families their own; to pick up everything and move thousands of miles would be unfair and unrealistic for them. However, it was just me. I lived alone; I dropped out of college when father was diagnosed with cancer. All I did with myself was work and attend night clubs!  I felt as if my life was going nowhere fast and I needed to be with my Mother! I needed to add purpose and substance to my life.

 

I did not realize until I packed up and moved with my Mother that I was also still in pain. I had not completely come to terms with my Father departing this earth when he did. I ignored what I was feeling for a long time.That no longer became an option when I came back to the cabin.

 

My mother had not left the cabin for many months; she felt closer to Father there and I could understand that. We shared so many good memories in that place.

 

My 1st night back was uneasy; I heard my Fathers voice bouncing off the walls! I could feel his presence. I knew it was my emotions and all in my head, but it felt so real! The smell of his cologne lingered through the cabin that night. I thought Mother may have sprayed it, so I walked down the hallway to her room. She was in a deep sleep. It looked as if the sleeping pills I gave her did the trick. As I looked around the room I didn’t see any of Fathers belongings. It looked like the room they shared and been wiped clean that he was ever there. I did not understand how Mother could get rid of all his things but still sulk in grief for his passing.

 

I grabbed for the handle on the door to exit my Mothers room, as I tried twisting the handle the door seemed jammed. I tried my best to wiggle it open as quietly as possible; I didn’t want to wake Mother. As I tried pulling the door handle for a 4th time I felt a cold chill down my spine; I spun around quickly and caught a glimpse of this dull grayish light. I shut my eyes quickly; I kept telling myself I was tired and just needed to get some sleep. My gut was saying something different! I turned back to the jammed door and heard a unclear whisper. I could not make out what was said. I thought it was my mother so I called out to her, but there was no reply. I assumed she was talking in her sleep. My main concern was the door at this point. As I redirect my attention back to the door I heard that faint whisper again, but this time I can make out what was said.

“You cannot leave me! We are a family! I will never let you go!”

In that moment I understood why Mother would never leave this cabin.

He would not let her!

Michelle A. 11/23/15

In The Night…

Thought this would be fun! I have been trying to step out of my shell lately and get more creative. Info on how to participate click HERE.

The sounds of branches cracking echoed through the night as she wondered around the thick congested woods in a fearful panic! Then there was a loud thump, followed by horrific screams ending in dead silence!

 

-Michelle

 

Excuses

Usually there are so many things I want to say, but I am unable to say them. Not because I fear the consequences of my thoughts, but because my mind cant seem to take my jumbled feelings and allow them to exit  in some type of orderly fashion.

Instead of saying how I feel, I have allowed rage and my untamed temper do the talking.  I have let my inability to convert my thoughts into words, constructive, positive words, control me. I have let my anger consume me!

What I allow to escape my mind is never truly all of me; its never honestly all I feel. But for some reason the poison inside me takes over causing destruction all around. You cant run from it…I’ve tried.

This evil is apart of me.

I’m sure there are reasons I am unable to express myself in better ways. Or maybe they are just excuses….

 

“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” – Sigmund Freud

The Feast is creeping…

Well Thanksgiving is right around the corner! I am curious, what are your Thanksgiving favorites?

Every year we all go to my grandmothers (nana as I like to call her) house for a great feast; she generally cooks everything by herself. Well this year I would like to bring an item. Yes only 1 item, I know- I know!

 It does NOT have to be fancy, especially because I doubt anyone will touch it. But I am a Mother now and this is something I should do: Learn to start preparing Thanksgiving meals… right?

Any one care to share any of their holiday favorites?

Whatever I find, I will be sure to share my Thanksgiving cooking failure with you all. 🙂

“Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something” – M.U.

The Man in the Captain Uniform

I cannot remember the last time I participated in a writing challenge; If I had to guess it was probably in my junior year of high school. I decided to try out the righting challenge presented by Ronavan writes.

I am beyond rusting, but I like the challenge and think I will use this to brush up on my “skills”

Here goes my short story attempt:

 

She stood at the window. Her face  consumed with this look of sadness; Her eyes  empty. She watched! She waved! She endlessly pounded on the glass!

And she received no response!

She watched as the man continued to walk, never turning around to acknowledge her, never turning around to wave back to her. She continued to watch the man in the highly decorated Captain uniform slowly walk away; his stiff, unchanging walk, she could never forget. She watch until she could not longer see him and then she watched some more. She did not cry; she was to strong for that. She did not ask questions, because she already knew the answers! She simply just watched.

Even at the young age of 6 the young girl understood that the man in the Captain uniform was a hero and he had to leave. She understood that no amount of crying would change that.

But what she did not know is that man in the Captain uniform could not wave goodbye without breaking down. As he drove away and seen that little girl in the rear view mirror he broke-down. His eyes became full, watery and began to burn; he had to let out what he was feeling. He did not want to leave his precious little girl, but he loved his country and made an oath. He feared she would never understand or forgive him for leaving.

But he should not worry for she is strong! She is strong for for her mother and younger brothers. She makes sure they know that Daddy will be home soon, with hugs, kisses and stories.

The man in the captain uniform is a Hero, but so is HIS little girl.

 

The past couple days have been…

I absolutely hate seeing may baby sick. I am sure many parents can relate to that feeling. Generally I try to stay away from the “hate” word, but in this situation there is no better word.

Currently Kenzy is battling a double ear infection accompanied by a horrible cough and uncontrollable congestion! I know – I know, kids get ear infections all the time, a cough is nothing. But just knowing my little lady is battling something hurts my heart. Especially since I cant do anything to fix it.

Kenzy is a Happy toddler! I would have never known she didn’t feel good had she not had a fever of 102 over the weekend. (And yes, I am one of those mamas who hops in the car and races to the ER when it comes to fevers.) However this time I played it cool. I remembered my steps. So I gave her some Motrin & we got out the brain juice (water) and snuggled on the couch. About 30mins later the fever had broke to 99.8 and within about an hour it was gone. But its like that fever brought on a wave of other symptoms.

I don’t pay much attention to a little stuffiness. Here is Texas its winter, summer, spring, and fall all in 1 week, so I expect her allergies to be affected; mine usually are as well. But after that fever the congestion became 10 times worse, the drainage was thicker & there was a cough.

Oh that cough!

Saturday night I break out the nose saline, Nose Frida (which I absolutely love) and the humidifier! I want to make her as comfortable as possible. Saturday night went okay; there wasn’t too many middle of the night cries and quick nose suctions! However Sunday night was a completely different story. Every time she was good and sleep it seemed like her nose decided to play evil tricks and wake her up with a spasm of coughs until she threw up. This night I could defiantly tell she didn’t feel good. She was crying nonstop & clinging on to me for dear life; but as soon as I would hold her she would flip out like she didn’t want to be help. Yes, Sunday night was rough.

After multiple nose cleaning attempts, a lot of water (to break up that mucous) and hugs and kisses, I finally got her good and settled about 3am.

This created the 1st morning she wasn’t up before me. I had to wake her! I had to dress her while she was sleeping. This really hurt my heart how tired my baby was.

I called her Doctor as soon as they opened, 7:30am! They were able to squeeze us in that afternoon. Around 3:30 that day her dad calls me and tells me Double ear infection (which she just had one 4 weeks ago) and she has to start a breathing treatment.

I know you may feel I am over reacting, but it really sucks when there is something wrong with your child. You try and protect you child from physical harm, the “mean” kids at school, but we also try and protect our children from getting sick.

After I am done feeling shitty about Kenzy having another ear infection; I call the pharmacy to get an estimate on when the prescriptions will be filled.

The response I get “I am sorry we do not have a prescription for her.”

I don’t flip out. I understand mix ups happen. So I call every pharmacy I have used in my town to see if her prescription was sent there. Only to be told, “I am sorry we do not have a prescription for her.”

So now I have gotten upset! I called her doctor, and I got the after hours line. I spent from 5pm-9pm trying to get her medications Monday night and no one could help me. How could people be so unhelpful about medications for a sick child. I understand her situation may not be severe, but in my eyes I would have to disagree!

So Monday night consisted of the same regimens – nose saline, nose frida, and humidifier. I didn’t receive any different results; she had a very rough night!

Tuesday morning, 7:35 sharp, I left a very detailed message with the doctors office. I was  not rude, I was able to suppress my anger! The prescriptions where magically sent to the correct pharmacy; only for the pharmacy to tell me that there is a hold on the solution for the Nebulizer  and her primary and secondary insurance will not cover the Nebulizer cost. The only thing the pharmacy has that I can pick up is the antibiotics for the ear infection!

Did I flip my shit?! No…haha I didn’t! I had to “whoosaa,” but I was okay!

I tried to remain positive and think at least her antibiotics is in. I can at least start her on that today.

So currently I am at work trying to WORK and figure out what place will accept her insurance, if they accept her insurance will I receive the Nebulizer the same day or if I need to just pay cash and avoid all this extra mess! Either way I need to be sure she has all her medications today!!

This situation + the lovely weather (its 50 degrees and raining cows and horses btw.) = the best morning I have had in a while.

(Fake smiles, with my head cocked to the side, my eyes bucked open and hair falling out.)

So how is your morning!?

 

 

Morning Time in My House is like…

I am dreaming, I am dreaming, I am …… awake!

My day generally starts between 5am-6:15 every morning. I do not wake to the sunlight shinning through the blinds or the smell of coffee and breakfast cooking; I wake to the screaming of a toddler, a foot to the side or maybe slobber on my face.

Oh how I love my mornings.

I would not trade my mornings with my toddler. Some mornings she is all fun and games other mornings she is little Miss Attitude. Some mornings getting dressed is a breeze & others I have to chase her around the house while she screams.

Oh how I love my mornings.

Some morning she will just lay with me and watch a little TV and then there are most mornings when she rather not!

Oh how  I love my mornings.

“Kennnnzzyyyy….where are you?

Hey, get down from there!

No, No! You shouldn’t do that baby.

Lets put on your shirt!

You wanna sing Row your boat? ABCs?

I love you. You love me. We’re a happy family…. Hey I thought we were singing!”

Haha…Oh how I love my mornings.

About the only thing I am 100% sure Kenzy will enjoy doing in the morning, is brushing her teeth. (Its the most adorable sight to see.) She walks in the bathroom and says “Ahhh Ahhh.” I automatically know what she wants, but I try and get her to tell me. (We are working on the word ‘Teeth’.) Once I put toothpaste on her toothbrush she is in concentration mode! She doesn’t really ‘brush’ her teeth; its more of her eating the toothpaste than anything else! I try and get her to copy me, but for some reasons when she see’s my toothbrush she thinks we need to swap!

Oh how I love my mornings.

Those who actually know me understand that I have never been a morning person. I would wake up in just enough time to get dressed and make it to work/school and the weekends I slept until at least 11; 12pm if I was lucky. I had no desire to wake up early.

But I do not miss that! I thought I would miss sleeping in and my silent mornings, but I do not! My mornings feel much more complete these days, much more eventful! Yes I am tired 99.99% of the time. Yes sometimes I wanna ship her to her grandparents house on some occasions, but I honestly would not trade my mornings for anything!

Oh how I Love my mornings with my Daughter!

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Fitness? Weightloss? Or none of the above!

So February 12th 2015, I started my “fitness” journey! (haha fitness)

In the beginning I did okay, I started using Shakeology and I was doing the workouts for the 21 Day fitness. Yes, I was doing all the fun stuff. I lost weight and you could tell a difference in just those 21 Days. So yes, I liked the program, but I did not stick to it after the 21days. Maybe I wasn’t committed enough? At least that what I kept hearing. I know could always start the program back, but I do not really want to. I don’t feel like the program was me. Sound crazy?

Every now and then I will do the workouts from 21 Day fitness, but generally I just like to do my own thing, which consist of running/walking, squats and ab work.

My hardest obstacle is eating healthy. I guess I know what healthy foods are, but I am needing meal ideas! Breakfast is easy, generally I do yogurt and a banana. If I am really hungry I will do whole wheat oatmeal and fruit. I consider my breakfast a healthy meal, but is it really?  When it comes down to dinner ideas, I get so lost. I usually go for chicken breast every time & that gets pretty old! I don’t even attempt to meal prep because I don’t really know what meals to make.

The past few weeks I have been looking all over the internet for recipe ideas and meal prep “techniques”. I am really hoping I can get somewhere with this.

I’ll be sure to share what I find works best for me.

I want to start healthy eating habits now so I can pass them along to Kenzy. I feel like if she grows up with healthy options, it will be a lot easier than trying to change later in life. No worries, I not going to deprive her of the childhood sweets. But I do not want dinner to consist of Cheeto puffs and hamburgers.

If  anyone has any recipe ideas, blogs, websites please share them. I would greatly appreciate any help at this point!

My goal? My long term goal is to be 20 pounds down. Not by any specific date although I have a  4 month marker in the back of my mind. That’s a piece of cake, right? (MMMM cake!) However right now, my main goal is to learn how to cook healthy. Once I have conquered that step I’ll move on to other ones! Baby steps! 🙂

Halloween 2015!

I recently shared photos of my daughters 1st birthday; I figured why not share some photos of this years Halloween.

This as not Kenzy’s 1st Halloween, but it was the 1st one she could really participate in. She even attended a Halloween party at her Daycare!

The morning of Kenzy's 1st Halloween Party. Was she excited as me?

The morning of Kenzy’s 1st Halloween Party.
Was she excited as me?

I tried to sneak pictures while she played.

I tried to sneak pictures while she played.

I was also able to snap pictures while she snacked!

I was also able to snap pictures while she snacked!

There were a ton of pre-party photos! But I’ll skip to the GOOD stuff!

A little art work Kenzy helped make. A Bag full of candy...was that a mistake?

A little art work Kenzy helped make. A Bag full of candy…was that a mistake?

Enjoying pizza with all her friends!

Enjoying pizza with all her friends!

She decided to share with mommy!

She decided to share with mommy!

:)

🙂

Walking around and eating, something she loves to do!

Walking around and eating, something she loves to do!

:)

🙂

So what did Kenzy dress up as?

A Lady Bug. She stayed on the go!

A Lady Bug.
She stayed on the go!

Or upside down!

Or upside down!

On the go again!

On the go again!

:)

🙂

In all I think she enjoyed her Halloween weekend! I sure know I did! Thank you for reading!

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Kenzy Michelle

1 down 17 more to go

Well I knew the day was coming, but I didn’t realize it would creep up on me so quickly. While I’ve been away we celebrated my daughters 1st birthday. I absolutely never want to plan another party – haha, seriously!

I was an emotional mess the week before her 1st birthday. Mostly because I felt my baby was no longer going to be A Baby, but also the stress of planning a good party is overwhelming. Of course I am the “do it yourself person” so I refused to ask for help although it was offered many times.

I would just like to share some photos of my little one during her birthday celebration!

The Birthday Girl

The Birthday Girl

We held the celebration at the play area at a nearby Church!

Kenzy, her Dad, & Grandmother. You can feel the love in this photo!

Kenzy, her Dad, & Grandmother. You can feel the love in this photo!

Hide and Seek in the play house...anyone?

Hide and Seek in the play house…anyone?

UH- OH

UH- OH

Run, run, as fast as you can!

Run, run, as fast as you can!

I used Etsy for 90% of the decorations.

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Kenzys 1 year timeline!

Kenzys 1 year timeline!

Time Capsule!

Time Capsule!

So the #1 started to fall on the Cake started to fall and was mistaken as an Elephants trunk. HAha, I was a little upset.

The Cake! One Word - Delicious!

The Cake! One Word – Delicious!

She was not really feeling her personal Cookie Cake.

She was not really feeling her personal Cookie Cake.

Well, you cant forget the gifts!

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Must have been a good conversation

Must have been a good conversation

:)

🙂

A lot of family and friends came out to help us celebrate! All in all I believe it turned out pretty well.

Kenzy's grandmother and Uncle

Kenzy’s grandmother and Uncle

My best friend, her son and I

My best friend, her son and I

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Kenzy’s Great Aunts in black, Her Aunt in white and Older Cousin

:)

🙂

Num-Num!

Num-Num!

Thanks for letting me share this Even with you! 🙂

- You have the world to grow & the love of your family behind you every step of the way.

– You have the world to grow & the love of your family behind you every step of the way.