I had an eventful and interesting Sunday. I was faced with a Test. This was no ordinary test!
There was no paper or pencils involved, just people!
There was no study guide to prepare me, just feelings!
I don’t do well with surprise Test! & what I mean by that is I dont handle them well. I use the wrong emotions and actions when dealing with things I do not have the answers to or when dealing with things that are complex and requires strategy & procedure over a quick “yes” or “no”, “1,2,3” type of response. These Test make me nervous; I feel a lot of pressure when I am surprised by them! & then when my answers to the Test do not fit or work I become angry!
I do not see myself as an angry person, but over the years I found I hold a lot of anger. It would be easy to point the blame and say this and that caused me to be so angry, but that does me (or anyone else) no good & it is not 100% accurate! The fact of the matter is I have held onto anger & allowed myself to say “it is okay to be angry because someone hurt me or someone did me wrong”. For years I made an excuse for myself to be angry & while I didn’t allow it to show on the outside it has slowly been eating away at me. & then when I have been faced with something I was not prepared for, I turned to the wrong emotions & reactions!
There is a point to this…haha..
I was faced with a Test yesterday; the test is similar in many ways to those I have faced before! I am not going to sit here and tell you everything changed, something clicked and I handled everything perfectly and I passed this test with flying colors!
I did do better!
I began to handle this Test with the same response I have always used. I began to respond with built up heated emotions… I mean who told this Test to come today anyways? As I said, I always find a way to justify….
But then I reverted! I didn’t have some type of deep realization about my inner self or nothing like that; I just stopped! I knew very well that the outcome is never good when my actions are from a bad place. I mean history has shown me that.
I have to take be willing to take these test and learning experiences rather than attacks! & to do that I have to change my response to them! It wont happen over night & it will not be easy, but I will get there!