Trust

I am going to start by saying I am not the most devout Christian. Caught your attention, didn’t I? There is a lot of room for me to grow and learn when it comes to God. …

Recently my entire family was faced with a pretty tough situation. Like all people we handle unexpected and challenging news differently. Some people prefer to be alone, while others can use the company! Some of us immediately turn to God while others may become angry with him.

I will admit, I was very angry at God!

Growing up or even as adults we may all have questions about certain things or may lack some sort of understanding. I believe that is natural & comes with growing as a Christian.

With this situation my questions were not for clarity, but rather blame and resentment. I know some of you will read this and think negatively about me & others may understand exactly where I am coming from! I have not lived a life of pink fairies and unicorns; I understand difficultly & hard times; I have experienced  rough patches and have had bad days; So it is not at all that I cant take displeasing news – it is simply, nothing has ever hit me or affected me as hard as this recent situation!

It took some digging and deep searching to realize that I cannot place blame and be angry, especially not with God. There are always going to be things we don’t understand; Events will take place & we will look for a reasonable answer — but the truth is: there is hardly ever a text book answer to life. We all know God has a plan, but we must BELIEVE he has a plan! We have to truly open our hearts; we have to accept & trust what God has laid out for us. And when it is hard to grasp what is in front of you pray! We are so used to living life by seeing what is in front of us. Most of us are “see it and believe it” type of people. You cant be that way with your faith!

My God has provided me with way to many blessings for me to ever doubt he will take care of me. He has carried my family through some dark times; God has always loved and protected Us. He does not deserve anything less than my trust and love.

I will not lie and say I am at comfort with the situation, but I understand I can not worry myself. I understand that I must continue to pray and continue to thank him!

 

I decided to share this because I know that we all will go through some sort of situation(s) that will truly test our faith! I hope that someone will read this and know that you are not alone & remember to not give up. Open your heart & allow trust to enter it!

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.”

1 down 17 more to go

Well I knew the day was coming, but I didn’t realize it would creep up on me so quickly. While I’ve been away we celebrated my daughters 1st birthday. I absolutely never want to plan another party – haha, seriously!

I was an emotional mess the week before her 1st birthday. Mostly because I felt my baby was no longer going to be A Baby, but also the stress of planning a good party is overwhelming. Of course I am the “do it yourself person” so I refused to ask for help although it was offered many times.

I would just like to share some photos of my little one during her birthday celebration!

The Birthday Girl

The Birthday Girl

We held the celebration at the play area at a nearby Church!

Kenzy, her Dad, & Grandmother. You can feel the love in this photo!

Kenzy, her Dad, & Grandmother. You can feel the love in this photo!

Hide and Seek in the play house...anyone?

Hide and Seek in the play house…anyone?

UH- OH

UH- OH

Run, run, as fast as you can!

Run, run, as fast as you can!

I used Etsy for 90% of the decorations.

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Kenzys 1 year timeline!

Kenzys 1 year timeline!

Time Capsule!

Time Capsule!

So the #1 started to fall on the Cake started to fall and was mistaken as an Elephants trunk. HAha, I was a little upset.

The Cake! One Word - Delicious!

The Cake! One Word – Delicious!

She was not really feeling her personal Cookie Cake.

She was not really feeling her personal Cookie Cake.

Well, you cant forget the gifts!

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Must have been a good conversation

Must have been a good conversation

:)

🙂

A lot of family and friends came out to help us celebrate! All in all I believe it turned out pretty well.

Kenzy's grandmother and Uncle

Kenzy’s grandmother and Uncle

My best friend, her son and I

My best friend, her son and I

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Kenzy’s Great Aunts in black, Her Aunt in white and Older Cousin

:)

🙂

Num-Num!

Num-Num!

Thanks for letting me share this Even with you! 🙂

- You have the world to grow & the love of your family behind you every step of the way.

– You have the world to grow & the love of your family behind you every step of the way.

Flashback

The week leading up to September 30th 2014 was an unusual one. I felt like everything was moving so fast and so slow at the same time. I felt anxious, happy, angry, uncomfortable, irritable, huge, disorganized, & rushed! I felt all these things at the same time. It’s like these emotions couldn’t take their turn for the spotlight. They all wanted to be center stage at the same time! Yes Exhausting, I know!

My original Due date was Sept 26th, a Friday! But as we got closer to September they pushed it to the 29th. (My body was showing no signs of being ready.) So as we get closer to the 29th, I’m feeling all these emotions and not knowing what to do with myself. (I am about to have a baby people!! How are you supposed to handle this?) Well on the Friday, 26th I go to the Doctor expecting to find out what time I am supposed to be at the hospital on Monday morning. I don’t! They told me someone will call me over the weekend. Okay, cool!

Well they aren’t calling fast enough! So I am calling every hour on the hour to get information. (I know I may have annoyed some people. But I wanted everything to be perfect Monday.) By the end of the weekend I have absolutely no information about what is supposed to happen Monday. And I had given up. I was worn-out, frustrated & just didn’t want to be bothered at this point!
September 29th about 7am I get a call, “Michelle, Hi Michelle…are you at the hospital?”

WHAT?!?!?! At this point I flip out…the poor lady on the other end of the phone didn’t deserve the yelling I imposed on her, but I was so upset that I could have been prepping to have my daughter this day & I was not. The sweet lady did all she could to get information from the hospital. And yes, Kenevery and I called that hospital faithful all day to get information ourselves. Finally around 4pm that day I received a call telling me to be at the hospital at 5am Tuesday morning. I remember saying thank you a million times to the lady. And as I hung up the phone I just started crying. Haha, yes I cried! I cried my little eyes out. I couldn’t believe this was it!

That night I’m unpacking and repacking my bag. I’m sure I did that about 10 times. I’m pacing around the house; I’m trying to see what I forgot or what can I clean. When I finally got in bed I was tossing and turning all night. Kenevery, on the other hand, sure did sleep like a baby! I didn’t fall asleep until about 1am and I was back up at 3am, dressed and ready to go!

The drive to the hospital was quiet. The roads where silent, there were barely any cars out. The night/morning air was very peaceful. I tried to sleep on the way there, but those emotions were coming for their spotlight again!

So we get to the hospital & go through the boring checking in part. They hook me up to everything ask me a million and two questions and all I can think is, “This is it. OMG this is it.” They asked me if I wanted medicine or if I was going to do this naturally. I really wanted to try it naturally, so I asked to wait on the medication. (You know how you hear all those horror stories about Natural birth? Well i thought I was tough enough to do it.) Welp by about 4cm and 3 and a half hours in, I WANT THE DRUGS! (So much respect to mothers that deliver their babies naturally.) So they are giving me the epidural, I want to say around 11-12. And this process was not easy. I apparently have onset/ early signs of slight scoliosis (YAY me) and it was hard for the anesthesiologist to place the needle in the correct place! Consequently he stuck me about a million times; it was also difficult to get the medicine distributed to both sides of my body! But after about 30 minutes & a lifetime of needle sticks he got it! We were done with the needle! About another 30 minutes after the epidural I was numb. I couldn’t feel my legs at all! This freaked me out a bit. I would tell my legs to move and they would not, leaving me with this helpless feeling. This in turn left me restless! But the medicine was during its job so I wasn’t upset. I just felt extremely weird!

Time is passing at what seems like turtle speed! They are coming in every so often to check on me and the baby! And then “IT Was Time!”

“Grab her legs!” “Okay, when I say push, you push!” “Oh my God is happening!” are just some of the things I heard people saying, because at this moment time feels warped. Everyone that’s in the rooms doesn’t seem real, they are all just figures. All I can focus on was pushing!
Well I’m pushing; at least I think I’m pushing, because I feel absolutely nothing! I even had to ask if I was pushing! I felt as if I was pushing forever before I heard “here she comes”! And then BAM at 310pm, the most beautiful, precious, pure sound I have ever heard, my baby’s cry!
As they put her in my arms and I look into her eyes, to me there was no one else in that room. I felt like the world had completely stopped and it was just me and my baby girl, Kenzy!

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This day was marked as the best day of my life! I already knew I loved my baby before she entered the world, but actually looking at her face & touching her skin just made that love so much stronger!

September 30th 2014, what a day!